Video 012 Anger, Resentment and Revenge
Use this video
When anger appears to be an impediment to normal processing or as an interweave within the context of the eight phase normal protocol if anger interferes.
Anger is seen and treated as, ‘reactivated, unintegrated fragments of traumatic states (van der Kolk, 2002.page 71).
Originator: Herman Veerbeek
Google; ‘Anger, resentment and revenge, Herman Veerbeek’ for articles, training presentations and training events.
Video production
Matthew Davies Media Ltd, Llanidloes, Powys.
www.matthewmedia.com
What this covers
Tony is an ex-gang member now seeking to go ‘straight’. He has come to therapy to deal with the after-effects of being badly beaten up after leaving the gang. Tony’s childhood was characterised by domestic violence, poverty, injustice and life in an unsafe urban environment. Joining a criminal gang seemed a logical response at the time.
Leaving the gang had led to further experiences of personal violence, exclusion from what had been an important social group, and a heightened sense of danger. In response, Tony feels alone, powerless, very angry, and useless.
Tony has recently made a number of changes in his life: he has sought help with the effects of violence and has sought to find a social group to which he could belong. That has turned out to be the Catholic Church that he knew as a child.
How long
13.36 minutes
Related Videos
See Video 050 about this same client.
Go to ‘Take-away’?
For further information in Wrap up and for the Aide mémoire to use in a client session.
Take-Away Section
+ Wrap up
For further information on this protocol, Google; ‘Anger, resentment and revenge, Herman Veerbeek’ for articles, training presentations and training events.
Forgiveness and anger/resentment/revenge are two sides of the same coin – how we respond to inter-personal conflict (and also to intra-personal conflict between parts of the personality). To understand what forgiveness is and what it is not, see article. View article.
- Further resource: Desmond & Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving (London, William Collins, 2014). ‘A…self-help manual…that seeks to prod (us) towards a practical understanding that forgiveness heals whereas revenge tears people and societies apart.’ The Sunday Times
+ Aide Mémoire
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Preparation
1. Explain to the client that disturbing memories can lead to fierce emotions. Describe the two kinds of emotions. We will seek to reduce the level of these emotions which ever one is the most bothersome.
Assessment
2. Have the client decide which of the two types of emotions is the most powerful for them ‘’. Say, “How much powerless and fear do you feel on a scale of 0-10, where 0 means not at all and 10 is really high? Ask the same question for anger, resentment and revenge. Alternatively, use the idea of buckets as in the video.
3. Ask the client which set of emotions, if removed, would give the most relief. If the client chooses powerlessness and fear, use the standard EMDR protocol on the underlying trauma to desensitise and reprocess. If the client chooses Anger, Resentment and Revenge, follow the procedure below.
- Explain that to get rid of the anger, resentment and revenge feelings, we will focus on the persons who have treated them badly.
- Draw a time line (from 0 on the left hand side and client’s age on the right hand side) on which the client places every person who has hurt them and who still makes them angry. Starting from a client’s birth, have them put a little figure on the timeline at the appropriate place, together with their name or relation to the client. Continue this procedure until every person who has hurt them is recorded.
- In chronological order ask the client for each person on the line, “Imagine this person is right in front of you. Look into his or her eyes. How much anger do you feel in your body on a scale of 0 to 10?
- Add the number to each figure on the timeline. Do not discuss any reasons or experiences connected to the figures.
4. Select the person who will be the subject of the process:
- If one person stands out clearly, have the client confirm that this person makes them most angry of all.
- If there are several people who cause equal levels of anger, ask, ‘Which one of them causes the most anger at the moment?’
- If the client cannot make a clear decision, then work through the list of identified perpetrators in chronological order.
- If the client insists on another choice, go with that choice.
The processing
5. Explain to the client that this process will free them from the feelings of anger, resentment or revenge. This will be done by them creating a film in their minds in which they approach the person who caused their anger. They will be in charge of the film and will decide what happens and what does not happen. Veerbeek lists four requirements that the client must meet to make this film work;
- They have the power and they alone decide what happens in the film.
- They have to feel safe at all times and they can take with them into the film any people or accessories that will make them feel safer.
- Everything is allowed without consequences – they can say what they want, and do what they want to the person.
- The anger has to leave their body. No one else is allowed to express the anger.
6. Then ask/say to the client:
- Where will you meet the other person?
- Is there anything or anyone you need to bring along to make you feel safe and for the perpetrator to listen and obey you.
- Now look into the perpetrator’s eyes and check you have everything to make you feel safe.
- You can stop the film at any time.
7. Do not discuss the film scenario with the client. Let the client develop this themselves. Prepare the client for eye movement. Then say to the client:
- “Now approach the other person and look into their eyes and see what happens next”. (BLS normal speed).
- “What comes up?”
- "Look him/her in the eyes and follow what your body wants to do or what you want to say and act upon that”. (BLS set).
- “What comes up?” or “What do you see in his/her eyes?” or “What do you feel in your body?”
- Repeat the cycle until the feelings of anger, resentment or revenge have gone.
- Once again have the client look into the other person’s eyes and notice if there is any tension left in the client’s body.
- Do further sets of BLS until the tension is gone. Then proceed to closing.
8. Contingency planning – What to do if it doesn’t happen as planned?
- If the client seems to lose his or her power, say, “You have the power. Make sure you have everything and anyone you need to feel safe.” (BLS slow speed to install).
- If the client feels really powerless, take them out of the film and discus what other things they need to feel powerful and safe and repeat the film scenario above.
- If the fear and powerlessness are too overwhelming, ta the client out of the film and focus on reducing the arousal using the standard protocol.
Closing
9. If all the anger, resentment and revenge have resolved, ask with the client, “What is the most positive or most worthwhile thought you have experienced or learned about yourself this session?” You may ask further questions to clarify whatever comes up, and install with slow BLS sets.
- “What does this say about you as a person?”
- “What meaning does this have for you?”
- “What do you call someone like that?”
10. In case there is insufficient decrease in physical tension, offer a safe place or use the container or light stream exercises. Let the client know that the next couple of days may be unsteady. If necessary, make a safety plan, so that the client knows what to do if they feel unable to handle the anger, resentment or revenge. If necessary, repeat the entire process during the next session.
As an interweave
Sometimes during the application of the standard EMDR protocol to a trauma memory, strong feelings of anger, resentment or revenge, can emerge and block the process. You can use a shortened version of the above protocol as an interweave.
- Starting with, “Where in your body do you feel the anger, resentment and revenge?”
- Say, “From now on you have the power to change this. Look into his or her eyes and follow what your body wants to do or what you want to say and act upon. (BLS set) etc. as above.
- When resolved, go back to the original target with standard EMDR protocol
What this is about: The case is about a man in his forties who has lost his family and career. He experiences extreme dysregulation, suicidal thoughts and an inability to make sustained relationships. He has a childhood of extreme neglect and abuse. The defining condition is a lack of any hope of change or relief in the future. He is unable to contemplate dealing with past and current traumas.
What you will learn: How to work, first with the future loss of hope using the standard EMDR protocol. You will also learn how to use aspects of Brief Solution Focused Therapy to create a hopeful future, if the client is unable to do so himself. This hopeful future will become the target in this first phase of the three-part therapeutic journey.