Video 035 Couple therapy Phase 1 (Desensitizing the past)
Use this solution
With one or both partners in a relationship when past traumas contribute to the current difficulties being experienced.
This video shows working with one partner of a couple. Depending on the couple, however, and the nature of past traumas, it’s possible to invite each partner to witness EMDR being used with each other’s traumas. When it’s carefully managed, and where both parties agree, this approach may create better understanding of why each acts as they do. It can help build empathy and compassion, and can strengthen their relationship. These possible positive outcomes need to be weighed against the risk that what may be disclosed in processing may be damaging to the already ‘stressed’ relationship.
Originator:
Mark I Nickerson, a psychotherapist, clinical consultant and trainer. He is the Director of EMDR Advanced Training and Distance Learning, LLC. https://markinickerson.com
Video production
Matthew Davies Media Ltd, Llanidloes, Powys. www.matthewmedia.com
Take-Away Section
What this covers
The case is about Jane, who came for help about her relationship with her wife, Mary. This video is the first of a three part video series that demonstrates several important aspects of working with difficult partner relationships.
The video uncovers the negative beliefs Jane has about herself that are linked to past traumas. These beliefs are contributing to relational difficulties the couple are currently experiencing. The standard EMDR protocol is used.
The second video, number 036, available in September, uses an adaption of the standard EMDR protocol to process the current negative beliefs Jane holds about herself in relation to her partner as well as the negative beliefs she holds about her partner.
The final video, number 037, demonstrates the installation of new skills for future use, enabling Jane to successfully manage future arguments that may arise with her partner.
How long
17.11 minutes
Related videos
Video 036 and 037
Go to ‘Take-away’?
Wrap up:
Aide mémoire: Step by step guide how to use the protocol - available to copy and paste.
+ Wrap up
+ Aide Mémoire
This video calls for the application of the standard EMDR protocol to the client’s past experiences of being bullied. Note the therapist’s enquiries at the beginning of the work which aimed to identify the targets for the first two ‘prongs’ of the EMDR process – the past and the present.
- Explore the nature of the relationship and the differences between the couple. (In this case, it turned out to be primarily one of education.)
- Explore the effect of the differences on their relationship. (In the video, the client felt overwhelmed when there was an argument.)
- Explore the negative cognition that accompanies the relational difficulties, the emotions and the body location.
- Link the negative cognitions and accompanying emotional feelings to other times in life when the feelings were similar or the same. (This client described similar feeling when being bullied at school.)
- Explore how the client reacted in the past. (In this case, how Jane reacted to bullying in school.)
- Enquire about similarity and links between past behaviour/reaction/response during the trauma (bullying) and current behaviour in the relational difficulty.
- Explain the link between past experience and current difficulties in the relationship and why the therapist is proposing to use EMDR to free Jane from the past.
- Proceed with the standard protocol until the past trauma is resolved.
The therapist also offered an outline of how the work might progress, partly to re-assure the client that the therapist ‘knew’ what she was doing and had a clear plan in mind:
- That the next focus will be on the ‘present’ in terms of doing some work on the actual relationship difficulties being experienced.
- Suggesting that there might be some skills Jane could learn that would help her in her relationship with Mary in future (the third ‘prong’ of the EMDR process).